I worked in a very small school for kids with special needs. ADHD, Asperger's, dyslexia, etc. kids with learning differences who needed alternative ways of learning. Not special ed, but special needs.
As a small school, there was a small staff. Early in the 2014-15 school year, a friend who shared my classroom with me for a class period while I was off came running in. "Why isn't he answering? He always answers! Just because I need him to answer, he won't!" She meant her husband. I asked what was wrong and could I help. She said "Nothing is wrong. Everything is right!" And I knew. She had a scare right before school started and ended up disappointed when she got her period. They had two kids already. She didn't even have to tell me.
A side effect to being pregnant and secretive so many times is that you get really good at knowing when other people are hiding it. You're not as good at it as you think you are, for sure. The wording of posts. The sudden drop in coffee consumption. Things you start to complain about. You stop wearing make-up. You suddenly "like" pages like Similac and Toys R Us and your local Moms Blog. You like old posts of pictures of you with friends' kids as babies. I see you. I know. And I hid you from my timeline. I was only wrong once. The big secret wasn't a pregnancy, but a move to France. I only found out when I went through and put those pregnant people back into my newsfeed. But all of the other people had babies or were about to have them. Because yes. Even though I had a successful pregnancy, I hid people while pregnant. Just in case. Once he was here, I brought them all back.
Anyway, when someone miscarried, no matter how many times, please don't be like this friend. She talked about it and complained about it constantly. She never picked up on my body language. I left my desk abruptly the day she told the class that used my room. She never noticed. And it was like a knife in my heart every time.
One day soon after she told me, she came in my room. "I'm not the only one around here! L is also pregnant!" So her next sin was telling someone else's news. But guess what? Had she not told me, I never would have known. This coworker and work friend never once told me she was pregnant. She also knew I'd lost. In fact, she was the one who made me go home that day when I returned after my d and c. So she knew very well. Don't do this, either. Leaving me in the dark hurt almost as much as oversharing.
A couple months later, my best work friend Melissa came to my room. She could barely meet my eyes. She very gently told me that she, too, was pregnant. She wanted to let me know so I could be prepared when she posted it online. She also struggled with infertility before having her first daughter. Not loss, but typical PCOS struggles. She was gentle and kind and almost apologetic. She was sensitive to my situation and needs. This. This is what you should do to share your happy news with someone struggling with infertility.
So that made three coworkers pregnant. Our staff was about 50 people. There were six married women of childbearing age at school. Hold onto your butts, because all six of us had babies that year.
Those three were due in June, July, and August.
About a month later, Melissa told me to carefully open FB because my other closest work friend, Michelle, who struggled with infertility and had her two sons through IUI, who was also the friend who was pregnant with her second four days ahead of my second loss (the d and c), posted an announcement for her third baby, due in late September.
Three friends outside of school posted pregnancy announcements. One due in June. Two due in October.
Then Jessica asked me to be her bridesmaid and told me she was due in early November.
Not long after that, an unmarried friend whose girlfriend lost a baby earlier announced that they were expecting again. This one due two days after Jessica.
I was due December 8. If the baby didn't make it, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle this.
That summer, another work friend, recently married, leaving to teach at a different school, posted an ultrasound. She was due at the end of December.
When I went to work in August, a new teacher was due the week after me.
The good news was that I had people to commiserate with in my personal life and my professional life. The bad news was that if this baby didn't make it, I would probably become a hermit.
So two babies were born in June. Two in July, because I found out another friend I don't see in person anymore was also due then. One in August. A former coworker posted photos of her adopted newborn in August. One in September. October went nuts. I had three people with due dates not close to each other have babies three days in a row. One was four weeks early (the friend who ended up marrying his girlfriend during this pregnancy). One was a scheduled C-section. One was one week overdue. And then Jessica was induced a week early, bringing her son into the world in late October. A friend we don't see anymore got a girl pregnant, and they were due two days after me. She delivered early, so there was a November baby.
When the people due after me had the baby four weeks early, things got too real haha. I was next.
The new girl at work was scheduled to induce December 1. Then my doctor scheduled an induction that same day. The other teacher went in the morning, and I got an overnight slot. More on that later, but our babies ended up born a day apart as a result.
The former coworker had her baby on Christmas Eve.
One of the other bridesmaids had a son in February. A small break, and babies were born in April, May and June. It was crazy. I don't know what was in the water in 2014-2015, but we all drank it.
No comments:
Post a Comment