Friday, December 10, 2004

I've seen hell, and it ain't pretty.

So, I thought that regular old country music in general was evil incarnate. But I was wrong. Regular old country music is just the devil's handmaiden.

The devil himself? Square-dance music.

The field at work doesn't drain well. And the gym has been occupied for other purposes twice lately on these wet field days. So, the P.E. teacher asked if she could use my room. Not having kids in there, how could I turn her away? Especially since the Dub had told her to go for it. But what were her intentions?

Square dancing.

With VERY loud music. Our radio in there goes up to 50 on the volume. (Sure beats 11!) When I am in there alone, I keep the volume at 13. Plenty loud enough. Sometimes, I even go to 12. But she had it cranked up to 35. 35!! And these poor kids. They aren't allowed to have the boys dance with the girls out of respect for the orthodox kids' beliefs. So boys partner with boys and girls partner with girls. I have to admit, watching this is a kick in the pants. You know how middle school girls will dance with each other and hug each other and stuff. But middle school boys are getting to the age where even passing paper to each other is a hazard. They may brush hands!! EGAD! People may think they're gay!! So imagine watching them dance with each other. Now that's priceless. They all look like they suspect their partners have weapons of mass destruction in their pants. (And judging by the funky odor that was left in there last time, apparently, someone DID.)

HOWEVER. My joyous attitude over watching this happen has one flaw. There is square-dance/folk music BLASTING through the halls. People pop their heads in to see what's going on. And this music...ugh. It's standard tunes with this vibratoed, southern, old man voice calling out dance steps and throwing in phrases like , "You're so gentle, you're so gentle on my mind."

What???? That doesn't even make sense. I'm convinced that the lack of technology and other such things really held back the people of the olden days.

Sam wanted to know if they were going to add other old-timey things, like making your own moonshine, to the curriculum. So we came up with others: butter churning 101, making your own buttons, whittling, and weaving. There was more, but it's really not that great.

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