Sunday, December 12, 2004

Will I become what I hate?

I had a scary thought the other day.

I start grad school in January, and, this time around, I'll be a - gasp! - non-traditional student! Oh dear God!!!

Now, don't take offense. A non-traditional student is an admirable thing. They're people getting their lives together and there is nothing better than that. I myself am in this category. However, at a commuter school in a rural area, like my alma mater, there is nothing more annoying. Brava and bravo to them, though...

But, I will now have to attend school a different way.

From now on, I will need a rolling schoolbag, which I will have to drag up the steps behind me, banging and clanging the whole way, blocking traffic for miles, making everyone else late for class. Then I'll be sure to get the wheel snagged and yank really hard on the handle and accidentally smack the ass of the person in front of me.

I will sit in the front seat of the front row nearest to the teacher. I will raise my hand to answer every question, whether I know the answer or not, and I will always be convinced that I know more than the professor and will let him know that I know. And each response will be 15 minutes long and will throw in references to my cats (since I don't have kids) and that time, three years ago, when I was in college for the first time.

I will overdo every project that I must hand in.

I will shake my head as I watch the traditional students say and do stupid things. (Ooo. Actually, I did this during my undergrad years. Never mind.)

I will annoy everyone around me with my very presence and try to be the professor's best friend. Even though she will loathe me, I will not be able to tell this. We WILL be best friends.

I will do really well on my tests and throw off the curve, when applicable.

I will make sure the traditional students know that I feel they are silly, pathetic time wasters who don't know what life really is and that they could never have it as good as it was when I was their age....three years ago...

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